Japanese Zen Buddhism

Chao-chou once asked a newly arrived monk, 'Have you ever been here before?' The monk answered, 'Yes, I have.' The Master said, 'Have a cup of tea.' Again he asked another monk the same question, and the monk replied, 'I have never been here before.' The Master again said, 'Have a cup of tea.' Later the head monk asked, 'Master, how is it that, when one monk has been here before, you say, "Have a cup of tea," and when another has not been here, you say, "Have a cup of tea" ?' The Master called out, 'O head monk!' The head monk replied, 'Yes, Master?' The Master said, 'Have a cup of tea.'

-Master Chao-chou Ts'ung-shen (778-897)

Human's Aren't All That Special

I will say that the God concept is at the heart of 2001 but
not any traditional, anthropomorphic image of God. I don't believe in
any of Earth's monotheistic religions, but I do believe that one can
construct an intriguing scientific definition of God, once you accept
the fact that there are approximately 100 billion stars in our galaxy
alone, that each star is a life-giving sun and that there are
approximately 100 billion galaxies in just the visible universe. Given
a planet in a stable orbit, not too hot and not too cold, and given a
few billion years of chance chemical reactions created by the
interaction of a sun's energy on the planet's chemicals, it's fairly
certain that life in one form or another will eventually emerge. It's
reasonable to assume that there must be, in fact, countless billions of
such planets where biological life has arisen, and the odds of some
proportion of such life developing intelligence are high. Now, the sun
is by no means an old star, and its planets are mere children in cosmic
age, so it seems likely that there are billions of planets in the
universe not only where intelligent life is on a lower scale than man
but other billions where it is approximately equal and others still
where it is hundreds of thousands of millions of years in advance of
us. When you think of the giant technological strides that man has made
in a few millennia -- less than a microsecond in the chronology of the
universe -- can you imagine the evolutionary development that much
older life forms have taken? They may have progressed from biological
species, which are fragile shells for the mind at best, into immortal
machine entities -- and then, over innumerable eons, they could emerge
from the chrysalis of matter transformed into beings of pure energy and
spirit. Their potentialities would be limitless and their intelligence
ungraspable by humans.

-Stanley Kubrick, about 2001: A Space Odyssey

The Difference Between Thought and Expression

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get most ashamed of, because words diminish them...words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head, to no more than living size when they...'re bought out. But it's more that that isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away with. And you make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding a word you said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.

Stephen King

MY OWN WEBSITE CALLED FAUN DICE (PLANET EARTH)

WAR IZ FUN!

"Let us go to war. The world has become stale and insipid, the ships ought to be all captured, and the cities battered down, and the world burned up, so that we can start again. There would be fun in that. Some interest, --something to talk about."

-New York Journal of Commerce, 1845

CHILD WRITES TO KILL

---------------[Henry Darger]

I was reading a book when I looked up. There in the window I saw a herd of cows staring at me! I notest that there were cows everywere! I ran up stairs were my mom was eating cake I yelled theres a bunch of cows in the house! Mom jumped in the widow. my mom ran down stairs got a broom and wacked the cows with it moo wint the cows. THen my mom waped the last cow. And then she said "what will I do with died cows!" I was very confesed "trere not died" I said lets go to planet moo to drop them off good idea said mom so we got on a rocket and blasted of to the planet moo when we landed the cows eating lunch we gave the 104 cows all knocked out the cows hated us fro knocing them out they ran and ran we were runing to we ran into the space ship but we did not close the doors fast unoff and all the cows got traped in the space ship there were now 10,000,000 cows in the space ship I could not move suddenly we landed on eaarth what will we do with 10,000,000 cows!

A student from Adams Elementary

WANDERINGS OF A SCHOOL CHILD

-----------------------[MIRANDA LEHMAN]

I was reading a book when I looked up. There in the window I saw there was an alien. He brought me to his leader the leader took me to his leader and his leader brought me to his lab to take me apart and make me a robot and I took over the would and broken the wold and then woke up from that dreem but I was still a robot in ptend and I was floating in the ari and there was No eath just the Sun burning Me as I walk but that was just a dreem So a boat fell on me then a cow fell on me, then a lion fell on me, then a zebra fell on me, then a turtle fell on me, then Grace fell on me, and she sadlie died then I woke up.

A student from Adams Elementary

To Do Oneself (FUCK YOU)

-----------------[Neck Face]


1. An expression of contempt.

2. People who think this phrase means "fuck me" are fucking idiots.

Me: Fuck you
Dipshit: You'd like that wouldn't you?
Me: See, fuck you means fuck you not fuck me. Fuck is the verb, so I'm saying that you should fuck you/yourself
Dipshit: Uh...I'm not too bright.

3. The phrase "fuck you" can be used in many different ways:
1)It can be used as a high level of offensive matter whereas it is intended to hurt another person.
2)It can also be a way to express your sexual desire over another person of opposite or same sex.
3)It can express a deep repulsion or the desire for another person to leave.
4)Finally, it can be used ,in a amiable accolade, as an unobstrusive jealousy, where this jealousy is mostly friendly.

1)"Fuck you, you unorthodox being."
2)"I want to fuck you, will you come up into my room?"
3)"Fuck you, I will have to ostracize you now for wanting to (2)fuck me."
4)"Fuck you, you killed me again."

4. "Fuck You" is an idiots response to any question an idiot cannot answer.

Person 1: " A five dollar whore would charge an imbicile like you ten dollars."
Idiot: "Fuck you!"

"Peace and Justice for All" is an empty case of bubblegum (BUZZWORD)

--------------------[Neck Face]

1. (n.) Ambigous word (often hyphenated) that is repeated over and over to win support for a cause. use of buzzwords is not exclusive to any side of the political spectrum, or any particular opinion on any matter.
media bias, fair and balanced, racist, the best, human rights, immoral, moral, homophobe, rightista, good old fashioned values, fascist.

the list is unexhaustive.

2. A contemporary yet cliched word, saying or catchphrase, often used by incompetent managers in an attempt to motivate staff. Which fails.

"Always a pleasure, Mr Ben. Never a chore." - greeting given every day by one of Mr Ben's former supervisors. Example can be found in the book "Managerial Bollocks For Dummies", priced £2.99.

Maternal Property

And a woman who held a babe against
her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand
be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

IMAGE REVEALED

He also talked about how he found the initial task of marrying together the "street" sound which Beyonce - who sings a verse of Telephone - wanted with the disco theme the rest of the track has.

"When I got on the phone with Beyonce, she was telling me she wanted her verses to have a hood, street element, and I actually was caught off-guard," Rodney said.

"I wondered, 'How am I going to do that? How am I going to make a disco/techno record and create a hood, street anthem vibe for her verse?'

"But once I got to the studio, it just kind of came to me."

Rodney Jerkins, interviewed by Brisbane Times

There Must Be a Tomorrow

There was a faint, almost imperceptible rustle; Daniel had already dashed, razor in hand, to the door and flung it open. Too late, the child was too quick for him: she had fled, she must have huddled herself into an angle of the landing, where she stood with beating heart, holding her breath. Daniel noticed a little bunch of carnations on the mat at his feet. “Nasty little creature,” he said loudly. It was the concierge’s daughter, he was sure. He had only to look at her fried-fishy eyes when she said good-morning to him. This had been going on for a fortnight; every morning on her return from school she laid flowers outside his door. He kicked the flowers downstairs. He would have to stand and listen for a whole morning in the outer room, that was the only way he would catch her. He would emerge, naked to his belt, and fix her with a glassy eye. “It’s my head that attracts her, my head and my shoulders, as she’s a bit of an idealist. She’ll get a shock when she sees the hair on my chest.” He went back into his room and went on shaving. He observed in the mirror his dark, handsome, blue-jowled visage. “That’s what excites them.” An archangel’s face; Marcelle called him her dear archangel, and now he must submit to the admiring gaze of this deplorable child, who was just at the puffy stage of puberty. “Horrid little creatures,” thought Daniel angrily. He bent forward a little and with a neat stroke of the razor snipped the tip off his pimple. It wouldn’t be a bad joke to deface the head they all admired. “Pah, a scarred face is still a face, it always means something: I should get tired of it all the sooner.” He walked up close to the mirror and eyed himself distastefully. “Besides,” he said to himself, “I like to be good-looking.” He looked tired. He gripped himself at the level of the hips. He must get his weight down by a couple of pounds. Seven whiskies last evening all by himself at Johnny’s. Until three o’clock he hadn’t been able to make up his mind to go home because it gave him the shivers to put his head on the pillow and feel himself slide away into the darkness, reflecting that there must be a tomorrow.

The Age of Reason, By Jean-Paul Sartre

The Forgiveness Trap

I remember an especially touching session with a client named Stephanie, whose experience illustrates some of the typical problems of premature forgiveness. Stephanie, 27, was an extremely devout born-again Christian when I met her. At age 11, Stephanie had been raped by her stepfather. He had continued to abuse her until her mother threw him out of the house (for other reasons) a year later.Over the next four years, Stephanie had been molested by several of her mother's many boyfriends. She ran away from home at 16 and became a prostitute. Seven years later, she was almost beaten to death by a client. While recovering in the hospital Stephanie met an orderly who persuaded her to visit his church. A few years later they married and had a son. She was genuinely attempting to rebulid her life. But, despite her new family and her new religion, Stephanie was miserable. She spent two years in therapy, but still she couldn't shake her intense depression. That's when she came to me.
I put Stephanie in one of my incest-victims' groups. In her first session, Stephanie assured us that she had made her peace and had forgiven both her stepfather and her cold, inadequate mother. I told her that if she wanted to get rid of her depression she might have to "unforgive" for a while, to get in touch with her anger. She insisted that she believed deeply in forgiveness, that she didn't need to get angry to get better. A fairly intense struggle developed between us, partly because I was asking her to do something painful, but also because her religious beliefs contradicted her psychological needs.
Stephanie did her work dutifully, but she refused to tap in to her rage. Little by little, however, she began to have outbursts of anger on behalf of other people. For example, one night she embraced another group member, saying, "Your father was a monster, I hate him!"
A few weeks later, her own repressed rage finally came out. She screamed, cursed, and accused her parents of destroying her childhood and crippling her adult years. Afterward, I hugged her as she sobbed. I could feel her body relax. When she was calmer, I teasingly asked, "What kind of way is that for a nice Christian girl to behave?" I will never forget her reply:

I guess God wants me to get better more than He wants me to forgive.

That night was the turning point for her.
People can forgive toxic parents, but they should do it at the conclusion – not at the beginning – of their emotional housecleaning. People need to get angry about what happened to them. They need to grieve over the fact that they never had the parental love they yearned for. They need to stop diminishing or discounting the damage that was done to them. Too often, “forgive and forget” means “pretend it didn’t happen.”
I also believe that forgiveness is appropriate only when parents do something to earn it. Toxic parents, especially the more abusive ones, need to acknowledge what happened, take responsibility, and show a willing-ness to make amends. If you unilaterally absolve parents who continue to treat you badly, who denty much of your reality and feelings, and who continue to project blame onto you, you may seriously impede the emotional work you need to do. If one or both parents are dead, you can still heal the damage, by forgiving yourself and releasing much of the hold that they had over your emotional well-being.
At this point, you may be wondering, understandably, if you will remain bitter and angry for the rest of your life if you don't forgive your parents. In fact, quite the opposite is true. What I have seen over the years is that emotional and mental peace comes as a result of releasing yourself from your toxic parents' control, without necessarily having to forgive them. And that release can come only after you've worked through your intense feelings of outrage and grief and after you've put the responsibility on their shoulders, where it belongs.

Toxic Parents, By Susan Forward

Definition of Curbstomp

(Warning: Contains Racist Language)
1. Placing of someones mouth on the corner of a sidewalk and kicking at the back of their head. This throws the jaw into their spinal cord and instantly kills them. Not allways used against black people... is actually mostly used when anti-nazi skins beat the crap out of a nazi skin group. Usually grab the biggest person and curbstomp them to show an example for the rest of the group to follow.

10 of my friends went to octoberfest and saw a group of 5 nazi's. We beat them up and then curbstomped them. Now there dead.

2. To put someones head on the side walk, raise ones foot, and push down on the head with force with bottom of food. This results in blood and if you're good enough, death.
We told him to kneel down and pick something up, and then we curb stomped him. Poor kid.

3. A way of showing how you owned or pwn'd someone.

Person 1: We won!
Person 2: We totally curbstomped those bitches in the 6th battle.

Definition of Gnarly

--------------[My Little Dead Dick]

1.These kooks have no idea what GNARLY is. Gnarly is when you've gone beyond radical, beyond extreme, it's balls out danger, & or perfection, & or skill or all of that combined.

Nobody can shred like that guy, he's fuckin gnarly.
That chick has prefect tits, she's fucking gnarly.
Pipeline in the winter is fucking GNARLY!

2. Slang term for something extreme. Used in bad and good cases.

Originated from the word gnarled.

That was a fucking gnarly wreck man, that dudes head flew off.
Did you see that new Local Motion board? It is gnarly.

Definition of Dank

------------------[Sarah Wilmer]

1. Really potent weed, produced by proper slow drying of harvested plant material, usually requiring curing (putting plant material in paper bag, folding over top, placing that bag in another bag. Thus reducing air and light contact on said plant materials, so when you go to retrieve some of said plant materials, it is still moist, green and sticky because the resin glands are still intact and 'sweating'. Usually can only be found on or near a High School

Go on, Im sure your son would love to hook you up with some digity dank.

2. Also an expression requently used by stoners and hippies for something of high quality.

That borritos was dank, man.
or... That borritos was the dankness

Definition of Dope

People who do not do drugs call Marajuanna Dope.

People who do Marajuanna call Heroin Dope.
Word has also been used to describe how good somthing is.

Don't you be somkin' dope! ( AKA Marajuanna )
OMG, I smoke the green but I don't do dope ( AKA Heroin )
Man that car is dope!

Domesticated Dog: Boo, Age 10

Behold the wisdom of the ages, the countenance of one who has attained peace of mind and the ultimate enlightenment. Might a Solomonic face like this beat evernal truths? Nah. Boo is seated on his Clifford blankie, with which he mus travel so he doesn't feel insecure.

Some Dog Book, Unknown Author

To Hang Out = To Sit/Stand and Possibly Talk With Others

vb (adverb)
1. to suspend, be suspended, or lean, esp from an opening, as for display or airing to hang out the washing
2. (intr) Informal to live at or frequent a place the police know where the thieves hang out
3. (intr; foll by with) Informal to frequent the company (of someone)
4. Slang to relax completely in an unassuming way (esp in the phrase let it all hang out)
5. (intr) US informal to act or speak freely, in an open, cooperative, or indiscreet manner

Leaving Yr Head and Entering the World

[J. Krishnamurti had the following dialogue with students at one of his schools in India.]

[Krishnamurti:] Do you know anything about meditation?

Student: No, Sir.

Krishnamurti: But the older people do not know either. They sit in a corner, close their eyes and concentrate, like school boys trying to concentrate on a book. That is not meditation. Meditation is something extraordinary, if you know how to do it. I am going to talk a little about it.
First of all, sit very quietly; do not force yourself to sit quietly, but sit or lie down quietly without force of any kind. Do you understand? Then watch your thinking. Watch what you are thinking about. You find you are thinking about your shoes, your saris, what you are going to say, the bird outside to which you listen; follow such thoughts and enquire why each thought arises. Do not try to change your thinking. See why certain thoughts arise in your mind so that you begin to understand the meaning of every thought and feeling without any enforcement. And when a thought arises, do not condemn it, do not say it is right, it is wrong, it is good, it is bad. Just watch it, so that you begin to have a perception, a consciousness which is active in seeing every kind of thought, every kind of feeling. You will know every hidden secret thought, every hidden motive, every feeling, without distortion, without saying it is right, wrong, good or bad. When you look, when you go into thought very very deeply, your mind becomes extraordinarily subtle, alive. No part of the mind is asleep. The mind is completely awake.
That is merely the foundation. Then your mind is very quiet. Your whole being becomes very still. Then go through that stillness, deeper, further – that whole process is meditation. Meditation is not to sit in a corner repeating a lot of words; or to think of a picture and go into some wild, ecstatic imaginings.
To understand the whole process of your thinking and feeling is to be free from all thought, to be free from all feeling so that your mind, your whole being becomes very quiet. And that is also part of life and with that quietness, you can look at the tree, you can look at people, you can look at the sky and the stars. That is the beauty of life.

J Krishnamurti

Change Society . . . or Change Yourself???

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

J. Krishnamurti

You'll Never Know Her

“You’re a very good dancer.”
“Sure”
“You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you. It’s just that I know I’m a good dancer.”
“Oh, wow. What an ego. Do you come here often?”
“Yes. I like this place. It swings.”
“Well maybe you can take me here next week.”
“But I didn’t ask you.”
“Well, if I want to go, I’m sure you’ll take me.”
“Now, look, Lelia, where I come from, the men do the asking. The girls just go yes or no.”
“Well. I guess I just don’t fit into that pattern, now, do I?”
“No, you don’t. As a matter of fact, you’re just a little too much for me.”
“Well, then why don’t you take me home? Why did you ask me in the first place?”
“Now, steady, girl. Do you always shout down your boyfriends that way?”
“I never shout.”
“Well, it would seem that way to me . . . Look, do you always go around embarrassing people in front of strangers? I mean laughing at them in front of your family, keeping them waiting for hours just to show off how masculine you are.”
“Darling, I’m not masculine.”
“Well, it would seem that way to me.”
[Giggling] “Well, how do you want me to behave?”
“Look, just dance. And be as lovely as you look.”
“Look, David, I am what I am, and nobody tells me what to do.”
“Look, I don’t know who you think you’re fighting. You know, I saw the way he looked at you back there. And I also saw the way he looked at me . . . You know, despite your horrible exterior, it’s you I like.”

Shadow, by John Cassavetes

Very Cellular Song ISB

May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you guide your way on

Kundalini Yoga - Farewell Blessing

"But I Don't Feel Anything"

We all have strong emotional reactions to our parents. Some of us are in touch with these feelings, but others protect themselves from the intensity of their emotions by burying them.
You may have gotten strong messages in your childhood that it wasn't safe to feel. Perhaps you were punished for expressing feelings, or perhaps your feelings were so painful that you pushed them deep into your unconscious in order to survive. Perhaps you had to convince yourself that you just didn't care, or perhaps you needed to prove to your parents that they couldn't get to you.
As an adult it may be very difficult for you to turn your emotional faucets back on. The connection between powerful feelings and your past and current relationship with your parents may be especially difficult for you to see. The feelings I'm discussing throughout this book may seem foreign to you. Perhaps you describe yourself as cold or numb, or you believe that you don't have any feelings - that you don't have much to offer in the way of love or caring. If so, your childhood feelings were probably very intense, and you required a great deal of protective defenses to make it into adulthood.

TOXIC PARENTS: OVERCOMING THEIR HURTFUL LEGACY AND RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE, BY DR. SUSAN FORWARD

Self Control vs. Control of Others

“Is Dr. Zepp there? Who’s this? Katherine, where’s Dr. Zepp? Well, I’ve been waiting. He’s not here. Well, where could he be, Katherine? No, nobody’s sick. Mabel’s crazy. Where’s Dr. Zepp? I mean, where is he, Katherine?”
“He’s on his way.”
“Well, goddamn it, he’s not here!”
“Please don’t talk to me like that.”
“I’m sorry, Katherine. Now, could he stop off anyplace or what?”
“No.”
“I mean, is it gonna be five minutes or 10 minutes? What is it gonna be? Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! . . . Never mind. Don’t get up. Don’t move. You don’t move. Ma! Ma! Ma! No. Just stay there, or I’ll kill ya! Don’t need your help! Get my own cigarettes. Don’t need anybody’s help. My own. You’re gonna be committed. Goin’ to the hospital until you get better.”
“You just, uh – You got embarrassed, and you made a jerk of yourself. That’s all. [Sputters] I make a jerk a myself every day. I’m – [Mouths Word] I’m not sore at you. I mean, you hit me. You never did that before. I – [Sighs] Didn’t feel that, if that’s what you – you feel bad about. I – [Sighs] I always understood you, and you always understood me. . . and that was always just. . .how it was, and that’s it. ‘Till death do us part,’ Nick. You said it. Remember? He said, ‘Do you Mabel Mortensen, take this man?’ ‘I do.’ ‘I do,’ Nick.”
“[Mouths Word]”
“‘I do.’ Remember, I said. . . ‘It’s gonna work because I’m already pregnant.’”
“Don’t let that mind run away on you now.”
“Remember how you laughed?”
“Don’t, Mabel.”
“Nick. You laughed.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t you remember? And he was mad as a big toad.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Hey, don’t be sad. I know you love me.”
“Hey.”
“We had plenty of time to find that out, didn’t we? You and I know. You see that, Nick? That’s how close we are. And they can’t pull us apart. They can’t force us apart. ‘Cause. . .we’re together.”
“I don’t know who you are.”
“Don’t say that, honey. I’m not sore at you. I’m not mad or anything.”
“Mabel. . .don’t.”
“You sit there and pretend you – All of that doesn’t mean – And you know. You know. It’s us. You’re going with them out there on the outside.”
“Be still.”
“And we’re supposed to be on the inside. We were always there.”
“Shut up!”
“You little. . .teeny. . .skinny, little. . . bug!”

A Woman Under the Influence, by John Cassavetes

Bringing Heaven on Earth

—The Lindenhof project is a conspiracy.
—A conspiracy? Interesting. Let me hear your proof.
—First, the land registry abstracts. Excepting inheritance, no significant change of ownership had taken place since the turn of the century. But in the last five years, transfers have increased dramatically. I know several of the new owners. They’re the power elite of the city.
—Very nice. Power elite.
—Secondly, property prices. They’re now triple the 1952 prices and ten times those of 1938. When the new construction plan goes into effect, profit from speculation will at least double again. Thirdly, the construction committee. Its membership is an amalgamation of the city’s so-called “good families.”
—Do you have a list?
—Not on that point. But you’ll be sitting across from the gentlemen this afternoon.
—That I will. Anything else?
—What?
—Proof of conspiracy. How does Schuckert fit into this?
—You know, if the others are circling waiting crows, he’s a bird of prey. That’s what he is.
—Power elite. Profit from speculation. Amalgamation. Bird of prey. And what about me? How do I fit into all this? What do you expect from me?
—I expect you to impose order. To clean up these –
—That I scatter the crows and forbid the bird of prey to hunt. Is that what you mean? Do you want to revolutionize our economic system?
—I reject revolution. I’m a humanist.
—You reject revolution. You’re humanist. Then you’ll have to put up with crows and birds of prey.

Lola, By Rainer Werner Fassbinder

Homestead in the Barbarian Realms

"Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?"
"Janie, today I quit my job."
[Laughing]
"Then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000. Pass the asparagus."
"Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something t be proud of."
"And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink."
"How dare you speak to me that way in front of her? And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me on the same day that you lose your job!"
"I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops, where did my job go?' I quit! Pass the asparagus."
"Oh, oh, oh! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure of being the sole breadwinner now."
"I already have a job."
"No, no! Don't give me a second thought as to who's going to pay the mortgage. We'll leave it up to Carolyn. 'You're going to take care of everything now, Carolyn?' 'Yes. I don't mind.' 'Everything? You don't mind having the sole responsibility? Your husband feels he can just quit his job, and you don't--'"
"Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?"
"[Daughter] I'm not going to be a part of this."
"Sit down! . . . I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain. All I want --"
"Oh, you don't complain? Oh, please! Excuse me! I must be psychotic then! If you don't complain, what is this? Yeah, let's bring in the laugh meter and see how loud it gets on that one."
[Smashes dinner plate]
"Don't interrupt me, honey . . . And another thing. From now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music, because, frankly-- and I don't think I'm alone here-- I am really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit."

-American Beauty, directed by Sam Mendez

Emotion vs. Reason

"What have I done to deserve this?"
"Nothing in particular."
"It's just that you always harp on your principles and drone on about how important everything is. But it's all just hot air. You know why? I'll tell you. Everything centers around your ego. You can't live without feeling superior. That's the truth. Everything has to be desperately important and meaningful . . . and goodness knows what."
"How else are we to live?"
"I used to think you were right. I tried to be like you, because I admired you. I didn't realize you disliked me."
"That's not true."
"Oh, yes, it is. You always have. I just never realized it before."
"No"
"Yes. And in some way you're afraid of me."
"I'm not afraid of you. I love you."
"You always talk a lot about love."
"You can't say - "
"What can't I say? That Ester feels hatred? That's just a silly idea of mine, right? You hate me, just like you hate yourself. Me, and everything that's mine. You're full of hate."
"That's not true."
"With all your education and all the fancy books you've translated, can you answer me one thing? When Father died, you said, 'I don't want to go on living.' So, why are you still around? Is it for my sake? For Johan's? For your work, perhaps? Or for no reason in particular?"
"It's not like you say. I'm sure you've got it all wrong."
"Don't use that tone of voice! Get out! Leave me alone!"
"Poor Anna."
"Why don't you shut up?"
"Poor Anna."

-The Silence, by Ingmar Bergman

Fear vs. Reason

"I see a gentleman here with his little boy. What do you think of the spaceship, son?"
"It's the biggest spaceship I ever saw."
"Ha ha ha."
"And you sir, mind telling us your name?"
"My name is Carpenter."
"Would you care to say a few words, Mr. Carpenter? I suppose you're just as scared as the rest of us."
"In a different way, perhaps. I am fearful when I see people substituting fear for reason. In fact, I would like--"
"Uh, thank you, Mr. Carpenter. Thank--Thank you very much."

Mr. Carpenter is the 'alien' in the movie, who is amazed at the suspicion and fear people in America have of the unknown. This movie is a great analysis of the American psyche and our lack of trust towards the unknown. Strangers are only strangers because they seem 'strange.' The spaceman eludes the police out of need of freedom which only heightens suspicion and 'security.' The greatest weapon the alien holds is the ability of its machine to dissolve weapons. How destructive/end irony/

-The Day the Earth Stood Still, by Robert Wise

Self Portrait

There was a faint, almost imperceptible rustle; Daniel had already dashed, razor in hand, to the door and flung it open. Too late, the child was too quick for him: she had fled, she must have huddled herself into an angle of the landing, where she stood with beating heart, holding her breath. Daniel noticed a little bunch of carnations on the mat at his feet. “Nasty little creature,” he said loudly. It was the concierge’s daughter, he was sure. He had only to look at her fried-fishy eyes when she said good-morning to him. This had been going on for a fortnight; every morning on her return from school she laid flowers outside his door. He kicked the flowers downstairs. He would have to stand and listen for a whole morning in the outer room, that was the only way he would catch her. He would emerge, naked to his belt, and fix her with a glassy eye. “It’s my head that attracts her, my head and my shoulders, as she’s a bit of an idealist. She’ll get a shock when she sees the hair on my chest.” He went back into his room and went on shaving. He observed in the mirror his dark, handsome, blue-jowled visage. “That’s what excites them.” An archangel’s face; Marcelle called him her dear archangel, and now he must submit to the admiring gaze of this deplorable child, who was just at the puffy stage of puberty. “Horrid little creatures,” thought Daniel angrily. He bent forward a little and with a neat stroke of the razor snipped the tip off his pimple. It wouldn’t be a bad joke to deface the head they all admired. “Pah, a scarred face is still a face, it always means something: I should get tired of it all the sooner.” He walked up close to the mirror and eyed himself distastefully. “Besides,” he said to himself, “I like to be good-looking.” He looked tired. He gripped himself at the level of the hips. He must get his weight down by a couple of pounds. Seven whiskies last evening all by himself at Johnny’s. Until three o’clock he hadn’t been able to make up his mind to go home because it gave him the shivers to put his head on the pillow and feel himself slide away into the darkness, reflecting that there must be a tomorrow.

-The Age of Reason, by Jean-Paul Sartre

Music to Have

JACKSON C. FRANK/SIBYLLE BAIER/BRIDGET ST. JOHN/LINDA PERHACS/BILL WITHERS/MARK FRY

WOODS FAMILY CREEPS/WAVVES/PONYTAIL/LAU NAU/AMIINA/RIO EN MEDIO/METALIC FALCONS/GENEVIEVE/

CAROLINE WEEKS/LARKIN GRIMM/JULIE DOIRON/SAMARA LUBELSKI/Matthew Robert Cooper

Me Me Me Me is all I ever wanna talk about

Today I dropped off my brother at his first day at Linfield college. I hope he haves fun is all I want for him because he really needs it, and friends. I told my Dad finally that I hate him and he hates me. He said it was bologna, I said that I felt hated by him and he couldn't disprove my emotions with rational arguments. He said fine, but he still says he feels 'different' about me. He hasn't talked to me since, out of fear most likely. He doesn't want to feel guilty so he ignores me entirely. I'm glad I finally said it. God damn I feel old. I keep thinking too much. About making movies and such. I wish I could just record reality instead of having any filters such as memory fuck it all up. I wanted to record all these thoughts I had last night in a voiceover but it can't be done once I'm all self-conscious of it. I gotta get out of here.

Story Post 1.0

Ariel never had a friend. She wears green galoshes and hasn't a penny to put it in one. Haven't heard? Boy you ain't never heard. This one lack a self suffiecency test. She can't do shit really, no one ever taught her. But its all her fault, poor bastard never even got a chance to know that those green galoshes are really alligator skins from the 16th century quite unlike the present editions of luxery. She walks precisely as she means to, with toes pointed outward and tose pinched, hips discharged and elbos leaking of oil. She hates ants, they don't stop eating her food off the floor. She doesn't know that they are actually multiplying. She goes on holy roller coasters, waiting fro the climax. She never makes it. She alsways gives up because she thinks she's about to die.

Dream: May 15, 2009

That day, I went to a social gathering = party. There was someone I was supposed to teach how to cook since I promised them. We talked, I was happy without being aware of it, which is why I don't know for sure if I was at all. I forgot everything else. All that mattered was that moment with all those people in that room smiling and talking. That person convinced me to take them to my house so we could go to sleep in the same bed. It just happened, I didn't want it to happen. Then I spoke in tongues where it was funny to distract my mind and focus on how flacid I was. She grabbed it and stuck it in for me and it kept falling out I was so tired of this and tired of life.

When I fell asleep I dremt we had a baby. I was in love with it because it was in love with me. Absolutely positively. The mother walked out of the room, disaffected. This baby was my life now. Nothing else matters. Nothing ever did.

Banshee Beat, by Animal Collective

I always wanted to create a website where one could discuss what they thought a song lyric meant. Anyways no one's probably never going to read this but it would be nice if they could give a little analytical thought:

There'll be time to get by to get dry after the swimming pool
There'll be time to just cry i wonder why it didnt work out
There'll be time to fish fry for letters by yours truly
Yours truly

Someone in my dictionary's up to no good
I never find the very special words I should
So I have another party with a water glass
and I sit on all your actions its a birthing game
and I'll bet he needs a shower cause he's just like me
and the soldiers in the painting know your secret face
Well your parrot told me just how I can make you smile
Gonna let you do your thinking if you need awhile
but what I gave you made him get mad
A little bit funny how a thing like that
Could travel from one mouth in through another
and the next thing you know you gotta hear it from your brother and
The words they sting like a stump of old wasps
Remember when I said go throw the rock in there
and we ran through the woods to our good house
You forgot about the things that he could say like
I dont think that I like you anymore
Well I found new feelings at the feeling store
and I cant find you at our kissing place
and im scared of those new pair of eyes you have

So I duck out and go down to find the swimming pool
Hop a fence, leave the street and wet my feet I'll find a swimming pool
Cause when I'm snuffed out I doubt I'll find a swimming pool
Hop a fence, leave the street and wet my feet I'll find a swimming pool

But I don't wish that I was dead
A very old friend of mine once said
that either way you look at it you have your fits
I have my fits but feeling is good
confusions not a kiddney stone in my brain
but if were miscommunicating do we feel the same?
Then either way you look at it you have your fits
I have my fits but feeling is good

You gotta give a little you gotta get a little bit


I think he's saying that loving and being hurt is inevitable, and you might as well get back up and try again, because feeling is good. Growing up, growing apart, you might think its the end of you and depression is infinity but the swimming pool will always be there waiting for you. To do it all over again, with hope and faith love is actually worth the trouble.
I'm not big on love but almost all songs are about it and I just like the song

My first try at having a voice. enless void.

Lets see how this looks. But first I'd like to announce something: Catharsis completely obliterates all rational expression, therefore stop thinking and start feeling. It's something I'm not apt to do. Let's face it I haven't felt emotionally connected to really anthing except material possesions, which I can explain later but its not wanting to be rich but rather an intense appreciation for quality things, that is THINGS THAT ARE OLD, HANDMADE, CULTURALLY REPRESENTATIVE, OR OTHERWISE RARE AND NOT MASS PRODUCED PLASTIC.